Was This a Mistake?
“Should I be here? Was this a mistake?” Since middle school, Kelly dreamed of serving overseas. After a year of service on a university outreach team, she began wrestling more and more with doubts. The culture where she serves values directness, and a lot of “direct” comments about her abilities have stirred up her insecurities. Everyone comments on how my teammates picked up the language more quickly. They have more skills to bring to the table. Am I even doing enough? Am I enough?
Anxiety starts to play a more prominent role in Kelly’s life. It gets harder to sleep at night. Others’ laughter at a language blunder triggers waves of panic. She starts to get sick to her stomach any time she is asked to lead a small group or initiate a conversation with a national.
Kelly thinks about sharing this struggle with someone else, but those around her seem so confident and independent. Would they understand? In the small community of global workers where she serves, who can she open up to without it getting around? When she tries to sleep, the questions swirl in her mind. Am I letting my team down? Letting my supporters down? Am I letting God down? She reads the Bible and prays for confidence, but the anxiety keeps getting worse. God, what am I doing wrong here? Am I not supposed to be here? What’s wrong with me?
Through another global worker, Kelly found out about GRC and was able to connect with one of our counselors by videoconference. As she met with her counselor over a period of several months, Kelly was able to recognize lies she’d been believing about her identity and worth. She began to experience a deeper security in her identity in God. She started to better understand her strengths and growth areas, and the part she is uniquely wired to play in the Body of Christ. As her anxiety decreased, she found a new joy and freedom in living out her calling. What a privilege to play a role in her journey and ministry!
* Name and some details have been changed to protect the privacy of those we serve.